There is a certain isolation to be queer in a rural area.

For many years I have dreamed of the life I want and it was only last week that I realized that it will never happen and I will follow in the footsteps of many that came before me, living a life that I will only somewhat be able to enjoy. 17 year old me expected to move out of home and fully transition to a man, maybe reconnect with my family after a few years. Build a career in the city and meet someone who would accept me for my queerness. Someone who would accept me wholly.

As time goes on it is looking more likely that my partner will always be someone who can never understand me completely, someone who deep down sees me as a woman or at least not a man. I will probably stay in my rural hometown forever with some job I mildly enjoy in the closest “city”. It’s not an actual city. It doesn’t have skyscrapers or even apartment blocks. The closest thing to a queer community there is the people who used to be regular customers at an indie book store that shut down years ago. I’ll probably never transition because of the social pressure from friends, family, my partner and employers. I don’t really want to lose everyone and everything I’ve ever known. Not to mention that I actually love living in a rural area. Nature is so beautiful and I fear if I lived in the city for any amount of extended time I would feel like a caged animal.